The Mayans Were Wrong - The End is Now!

I heard a few seconds of a sound bite on the news last night about the end of the world coming May 21. I didn't pay much attention. Chaulked it up to yet another crackpot who found a way to get airtime. But then, my former college advisor had a quip about regretting sending in his car payment, since the end was upon us and I thought this might warrant some investigation.

Of course, investigation on my part these days means googling things (I can hear all my former pr/journalism professors gasp that I'm too lazy to get off my chair and actually WORK at investigating - that is if I haven't already killed them by the misplaced punctuation that's rampant in my blogs). So after typing in "judgement day 2011" I found this lovely billboard:

                    

Nice, isn't it? I'm thinking this isn't doing such a great job of winning over people to listen to their station... unless it's to make fun of them.

OK, OK... that was harsh. But here's what I believe (and I'm not going to quote the Bible or anything so my non-Christian friends can relax), when the end of the world is upon us it will happen unexpectedly. None of us can sit here and proclaim to know the end of the world.

Besides, I doubt it's going to be next Saturday. The crazy, ranting street preacher downtown told me it was going to be last month, we're all still here. I have a European vacation next month that I've already paid for, dammit - I am not allowing the end of the world to happen before I get my monies worth!

"But wait, Beth, how can you be so sure? "  Yes, I hear your thoughts. How can I be sure? hmm... does January 1, 2000 ring a bell? We all just KNEW the end was upon us then... heck I know some folks who thought they needed to stockpile canned food b/c their refrigerator was going to go kaput. Guess what? At the stroke of midnight nothing happened and the world continued as usual. Finally, we all know that we've got until December 2012. Didn't you pay attention in history class when you studied the Mayans?

But, just in case the end IS upon us  I think I'll go shopping today... plenty of Manolo Blahniks and Christian Louboutins are in my future. Think of how many fabulous shoes I could have if I didn't have a mortgage payment (shh... don't tell the hubs)! 



Someone Actually Believed I'm Nice!

I know, that is a weird headline, but for those of you who know me well - you know I have a bit of an edge, I'm fairly blunt, and sugar coating things isn't always my strongest point. Blame it on my "half breed" status... I'm half Yankee, half Southerner. Sometimes the Yankee side gets the better of me.

Growing up in the South, I rebelled against our genteel ways. I was a bookworm, but I also liked to play in the dirt. I frequently had dirt under my nails and I didn't learn how to keep my hair presentable until adulthood - and sometimes "presentable" is still a questionable term. In fact, I went through a weird stage where I didn't want my Barbies to look like Barbies so I shaved off all their hair with my mom's razor. Afraid of what she might say, I stuffed the hair down the air vent in my room. She was much more angry about the fine silky Barbie locks floating around the room than she was the spiky buzz cuts I'd given them.

Once I hit college; however, I realized that there is something to Southern Charm. And, I'll be the first to admit - I frequently use it to my full advantage.

This past weekend I attended my company's sales meeting in California. Of course I was on my best behavior, and somehow that translated to the sales rep from the Northeast territory (also female) thinking I might have a hard time. You see, we are travelling sales reps for a bridal manufacturer. Six months a year I travel a seven state territory to place gowns in bridal shops. There's a lot of rejection. There's a lot of travel through the remote hinterlands of our country. There's 3 meals a day in sometimes questionable establishments. I love it. But, I travel the South/Southwest. I understand the mentality - and the idea that someone saying "Betty Sue, bless her heart, ...." may be a nice way of saying "Betty Sue, that stupid *&%$  idiot, ... "

So, getting back to my headline - over breakfast we were talking about different situations that could hit us out on the road. My counterpart turned, looked at me and said, "Do you think you're hard enough for this type of work? I mean, you seem to be a really good salesperson, but you're just too nice." I actually dropped my fork. I think coffee may have squirted from my nose, and I died laughing.

When we got to the office that morning, I told my boss. He died laughing too. You see, he grew up in Chicago. He's a somewhat hardened LA resident now. He told us of the first trip he took to the south. He described the average middle-income southern woman - perfect make-up, perfect hair, perfect nails, impeccable clothes and stylish shoes. Always smiling, nodding, speaking softly. How on that trip, he decided those soft spoken well mannered southern ladies were probably the most ruthless, scrappy group of women on the planet.

You see, we were taught to be a genteel group. To love our families, be excellent hostesses, and keep up appearances. But, we were also taught to look out for ourselves, be fiercely independent, and not to take anything from anyone. True southern women can cook you the most excellent meal you've ever eaten, take a leisurely stroll through the garden, and then, quite possibly, sharp shoot her way out of dodge.

Afterall, isn't it the quiet ones you have to watch the most?

What is Freedom?

Feedom can be many things to many people. My political view of the word freedom is:

Freedom is being able to express yourself, in any way you choose. Burning your bra, protesting ideas you feel are unfair, going (or not going) to a place of worship.

It's knowing that when you go to bed that night, you will not be woken up by strangers with guns who come looking for your children to draft them into mandatory military.

Freedom is knowing that you can look for work in whatever profession you want, even though you aren't guaranteed a job in that profession because the employers have the freedom to hire whom they choose.

It's the ability for me to stand up for what I believe in. And for you to tell me I'm an idiot. We disagree but we're still able to be friends at the end of the day.

Freedom is knowing we have to work hard, but the rewards can be great. Freedom requires hard work. Freedom isn't free.

However, my personal view of freedom is:

Freedom means not getting dressed today. Or, if I decide to get dressed it means the ability to go where I want, for as long as I want, with whomever I want.

Sure, that sounds simple... but to those of you who aren't stay at home moms you have no idea how difficult this is.

Freedom would be getting a pedicure more than once every three months - by a professional. Me giving myself pedicures or having some member of the family who is also going to paint my entire foot does not fit the proper description.

Freedom is not worrying about what's for dinner, and who won't eat what. It's ordering take out, or better yet going to the best place in town - you know, a place that actually has stars for ratings, not arches. The place of my choosing, not my kids' definition of "the best place in town." Freedom would be eating somewhere with real waiters and cloth napkins. Oh, and maybe wine or martini glasses!

Freedom is an endless shopping expense account. New shoes. Trendy clothes.

Freedom is who I used to be. But, it's also who I am now. Because inspite of all the negatives listed above, Freedom allowed me to choose to stay home. And in doing so, I had to give up some things- because Freedom is never truly free.