First I was searched, then a lizard tried to sleep with me

This trip to Texas has been interesting, to say the least. I have done absolutely no sight seeing - just work. However, since it is me we're talking about there have been some interesting occurrences.

For instance driving from San Antonio to Brownsville I passed many highway patrol cars and border patrol agents. I didn't think anything about it, I am in south Texas after all... however, yesterday afternoon as I drove back to Corpus Christi from McAllen I had to stop at a mandatory checkpoint. Now, this is the first checkpoint I'd ever gone through. I didn't know what to expect. And of course, I have a vivid imagination. I see the drug dog sniffing the semis and the vehicles in front of me.... I start to wonder who's driven my rental car before me. And, was I about to end up in some third rate prison cell because Rin-Tin-Tin detected something from the freak that drove my car prior to me renting it! Of course my husband's friend who works in the Secret Service popped into mind. He lives down here somewhere. Would he vouch for me if I ended up in the clink? Do I know where he lives? Do I have his phone number? hmm... too late to think about him, it's now my turn. The nice border patrol agent tells me to keep my door closed, but pop the trunk and allow them to open all my doors. Fido hops in the trunk, then he sniffs around inside the car. The agent asks me where I'm going... I momentarily forget and point north. I stutter out, "ummm.... north.... San Antonio. I'm a sales rep for a bridal company. Visited Brownsville and McAllen today selling dresses." This was way more information than the dude asked, but I was nervous. And of course I can't be short and to the point even when I'm not. The guy obviously got that I was much to much of a geek to be a criminal so he waved me on and told me to be safe - and get a hotel before dark. Why do people keep telling me that here (and by that I mean my husband, my parents, my sister, the lady I work with in CA, the store owner I saw this morning, and now the border patrol guy)? Seriously - believe what you see on the news about the state of things in northern Mexico... according to one of my store owners it's much worse than the American public realizes (and yes, I will subject you to a blog on my meeting with her as soon as I can logically type it out).

So, since everyone now has me freaked out about driving after dark - not one of my usual phobias... and I have plenty of them, thank you very much - I head to Alice, TX for a room. Unfortunately this somewhat sleepy little town is completely booked. I tried three hotels that fit my criteria (I am weird, I require my hotel room to be nonsmoking, with all interior rooms - no drive up and park outside the doors anywhere on the property, prefer a king sized bed, and it must provide breakfast b/c that is more than likely the only meal I'm guaranteed to remember to eat until I figure out where I'm laying my head the next day). All were booked. I called a couple of my frequent sleeper programs to see what might be nearby. 25 miles south of me was a Hilton brand hotel - an executive suites Hampton Inn. This sounded promising. It was a little more than what I typically budget, but it's now getting dark and the border agent has warned me about roaming around.... even if I am 100+ miles north of him by now.  I give my billing information and head over to the property. I am in Kingsville, TX.

There is a branch of Texas A&M here, the famous Kings Ranch is here... these is cowboy country. I should be safe here, right? I get my room keys... I go upstairs. I open the door, the bathroom door is closed. Hmm... this is unusual. I've stayed in a lot of hotels the last 2 weeks - the door is never closed upon entry. I start thinking of the mass murderer who is hiding in there waiting to rape and kill me. I prop my suitcase in the main door so I can run out if necessary (keep in mind I'm in 4 inch stilettos so not sure how exactly I plan on running). I open the door... AND SCREAM. There, scurrying around in the floor is a LIZARD. It is not huge, probably about 5-6 inches long. It is brown with black stripes... and it appears to be furry. Who the hell ever heard of a FURRY lizard? I locked it back into the bathroom and called the front desk. They switched my room. I have no idea what happened to the lizard. But I can say that yesterday was not a good night's sleep. I kept thinking something was going to crawl/slither into my bed and bite me.

Needless to say, I head home tomorrow morning. The next 9 hours can't pass quickly enough so I can get back to Colorado. Who cares if it's cold... it's lizard free, and safe to wander about after dark!

Plotting a Stealth Mission in My Mind...

Maybe Wynonna was right. I remember a few years back reading a story about Wynonna Judd in a magazine. She was taking some major heat from animal activists because she had her dog's vocal chords clipped. They just couldn't imagine how someone who made their living using their vocal chords could do such a deed to an animal.

They apparently didn't have my new neighbors.

I live in a relatively quiet community; however, the houses are very close together. Having a conversation outdoors typically means if your neighbors want to be nosey they'll know what you were just saying. You can imagine if you can hear an outdoor conversation, you can almost certainly hear noises made by outdoor pets.

Don't get me wrong. I like animals. I have a yappy dog myself. I try very hard to make sure she doesn't cause any disturbances, but just by being an animal it is not uncommon that she's going to bark. I understand that, my neighbors understand that. No hard feelings. We all get along in our little bubble just fine.

Enter new people. They have two ginormous labs in their backyard. These two dogs do not care for their new surroundings AT ALL! These dogs fight during the day (literally tear each other's heads off) - I am hearing them snarl and gnash at one another as I type this. And, at night there are long periods of nonstop barking. I'm secretly hoping a large starving coyote wanders into the neighborhood and eats them.

PETA may come picket my yard for this, but I have found myself plotting... my vast array of black clothes are perfect for a night-time ninja mission. Maybe a few well thrown ninja stars will hush them. I've already scoped out areas in my upstairs where I have perfect line of vision and nobody could trace my line of attack back here. A quick slip over the back fence, few stealth moves and I'm sure I could perform the procedure Wynonna had done.

But, alas, I'm too much of a scaredy cat myself. Don't feel like getting picketed by PETA, or going to jail for animal cruelty. So, I guess we'll just have to live out the rest of our days listening to these dogs go at it. My hope is that they'll be stupid and get one more (from my spying missions when I go for walks I have already determined they have these two, plus one lap dog inside which means they are at the limit as decreed by city ordinance). One more shows up and hopefully Animal Control will do something about it. In the meantime, I'll just continue to grit my teeth.