Why is it complete strangers feel the need to give you advice? True, I probably need it, but you never know who you're talking to, you could be talking to the foremost authoritative source on said topic. I am an active participant on a board for recent mothers. Basically it's there for us to go ask questions about our babies and make sure we aren't raising alien children. But, it also allows us a forum to rant and rave, and then find out that others are going through similiar things.
This morning I was struck by how many people feel it is their duty to tell us how to raise our children. I've been blessed. My children's grandparents are 99% supportive of our decisions, and for the 1% they aren't they don't make a big fuss. Basically we are free to raise our children as we see fit. You know, because we're responsible adults and all. However, I have had quite a few strangers feel the need to butt in from time to time.
So, since my mind is having a hard time functioning today, I thought I'd use my blog as a sounding board for various responses people may need at some point in their life (both in child rearing, and in everyday life). Be warned, some of these responses may land you in a straight jacket, but I think it'd be fun to say at least once.
1. "Oh! You're pregnant, when are you due - looks like any day now, right?" No. Actually, I'm just fat. There's no baby in there. Just the triple big mac, three donuts and big gulp I ate in my car on the way here.
2. "Your baby doesn't look anything like you. He/she must take after his/her father?" Not really. I found this kid on the side of the road and thought it might need a home. I'm in need of a servant, so I thought I'd raise it until it could walk and talk, then I plan on putting it to work 15 hours a day in my basement making trinkets I can take to the flea market and sell.
3. "You're new in town. I have the best stylist." Really? I'd love to have their name and number so I can make sure NOT to go to them. I mean, apparently you're saying this because you think I am in dire need of a makeover, but have you looked in the mirror lately? I hope you didn't pay full price for that.
And my favorite, while standing in line at the check-out counter a complete stranger will pick up one of your items and say, "You aren't really going to buy that, are you?" No. I thought I'd carry it around the store for an hour, bring it up here, make the clerk do a price check and then yell "PSYCHE!" and make her put it back. I have no need for that. But thanks for asking.
If anyone else has a random question or suggestion they have been given (unwarranted) from a complete stranger. I'd love to hear it, as well as your dream response. Hope you all have a great weekend! If you're brave enough to use one of my responses, I'd love to hear how it turns out!
I just love your blog!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite smartass comeback was to a woman who not so politely asked me when Bayleigh was 3 weeks old why in the world I had her in public so early. I burned a hole in her ugly face with my eyes and said "Because I'm a horrible mother." She stormed off.
My favorite comeback to the "When are you due" question is, "I'm not pregnant, but thanks for letting me know I look it."
My New Years resolution is to let people in public know when I'm annoyed by their comments/actions when it comes to my children. I refuse to let a stranger, with hands that have been God only knows where, touch my child. My newest response to say "Watch out, he is always projectile vomiting."
You know I get tired of the "When are you going to have children?" question. A lot of times, I can deflect with something like "We are going to adopt, so there are just a lot of ducks to get in a row..." Not to mention everyone putting in their opinions on where we should adopt (international vs. American. American infant vs. out of foster care). I held my tongue for a while but now I've started saying "Does it matter? Is one child more deserving of a family than another?"
ReplyDeleteMy favorite though is from my neighbor. She is a SAHM also. For her to stay at home, they have to run on a very tight budget. One day, she was at Walmart and the total rang up higher than the "running estimate" she had in her head. She apologized, picked out a few items she could manage without and asked the girl to void them. The girl said "You must be a SAHM." She said "Yes..." the girl said something like "Why?" and she said "Well, I think it's the best choice for my son" (Her son has had some health problems / challenges) The cashier said "Have you thought about getting a job so you can afford all your items?" $&%^#*@&! My neighbor said "I'm sorry but I don't think a minimum wage cashier at WALMART needs to hand out judgmental career and parenting advice!" and walked off.
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law adopted a baby boy from China last fall. Recently, she was waiting in a store check-out line and the lady in front of her took a look at my nephew, then looked at my sister-in-law, and said, "Oh. He must look like his father."
ReplyDeleteDUMBFOUNDED!
My sister-in-law just smiled sweetly and said, "I'm sure he does."
I have been known to walk into public places with more kids than I actually "own." (You know, because of friends getting rides homes.) I once had someone ask me, "Are all those yours????" My reply: "Why Yes!!! My cousin is Angelina Jolie and we are in a competition to see who can collect the most kids. So far, I'm winning!!!"
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain! When I was pregnant with my first, LOTS of women asked if I was going to nurse. First, none ya! Second, none ya! And third, none ya! Okay, I feel better now.
ReplyDeleteAt first I gave them my whole schpeel about my reasoning. Then I thought, wait.....it's none ya! So I started telling them that my husband really wanted them all to himself!